The Marauders Era Christmas
by julvett
Summary: Two things concern the Marauders this Christmas- giving gifts and getting girls. Parts are told through Marauder notes. Please R&R!
1. Single and Broke

**The Marauder's Christmas**

**Yet another Marauder story. I hope you like it. A lot of it will be told through notes (as of right now), and I hope it's not too hard to follow. I actually made a CSS style sheet for the notes, but I didn't realize that strips basically every tag/symbol from the code. (Even equal signs! I had to use '-' instead.) I found that out the hard way. So instead: **

Key to the Notes:  
James - plain, **Sirius - bold**, _Remus - italics_, Peter - underline

History of Magic Class. The Marauders attempt to try out charm which entails of bewitching their textbooks so that whatever they write on the page appears in all of their textbooks. They find success.

**Prongsy, baby! Got a date for the Christmas party yet? **Sirius Black scribbled in his textbook.

SHUT UP.

**Shut Up? Is she a fourth year? **

_Cute, Padfoot, _noted Remus. Clearly, he would not be learning much in class today.

Does it get funnier for you each time I get rejected by Evans? James wrote.

**It's get more painful. But pain at the expense of others - humor. **

Padfoot can you get me a date

_Wormtail, I'd try paying more attention to the lecture and less attention to the idiot sitting next to you. Because I'm not letting you copy my homework tonight. NOT._

I dont copy! I use it as GUIDE.

_Then why do you always have the same answers as me? Do tell._

IT IS A GOOD GUIDE.

I'll let you copy off mine, Wormtail. Moony has too many morals and crap like that.

Prongs you are a LOYAL FREIND. Not like MOONY.

And I DONT copy!

**Well mates, as fascinating as this conversation is, we have more important matters to deal with. **

Gee, what's more important that homework? ← That's me mocking Moony

_Gee, I wonder what Evans looks like NAKED _← _That's me mocking Prongs_

**Settle down, Moony, or else Prongs will murder you. And then he'll be thrown to the dementors. Then who'd let Peter copy off their homework? **

I DONT COPY

**The point is, we all need to get dates. I have two already, so I'll need about one more. But my best friends need to have at least one. **

WHAT WILL WE RUIN YOUR COOL REP OR SOMETHING

**PRECISELY. **

Moony, Mary MacDonald has had her eye on you for the entire class. ASK HER.

**And who could blame her? Moony looks sexy when he's studying. **

_I always look sexy. _

**Because you're always studying. **

_What do you see when you look to your left? Oh look, it's me NOT LAUGHING. _

WHO WILL GO WITH ME

**You can have one of mine. How about Vance? **

She's hot but what if she doesn't want to go with me

Come now, Wormtail, who wouldn't want to be your date? You are rather debonair.

**Tell you what. Right before the party, I'll be a total bastard and dump her. And then the valiant Peter Pettigrew will be there to console her. **

I'm valiant. AWESOME.

**And that leaves… **

I'm not going with anyone but Evans. She is the love of my life. WE COMPLETE EACH OTHER.

**Sure you do, Prongs. You're her missing piece. You fill the hole inside of her with your undying love. **

That sounded sexual.

**It was sexual. **

_And subtle, also._

I dont get it

**You will when you're older, love. **

No not that I mean why Prongs wont go with anyone but Evans! SHE DOESNT LIKE YOU

Wrong. She wants me. She just doesn't know it yet.

Wow, thank you Sirius for whispering my message out loud and squinting at me incredulously when you had finished. I'm sure NO ONE KNOWS WHO I WAS TALKING ABOUT.

**I think Evans is trying to give you a note, mate. **

I HATE YOU.

_Seriously Prongs, she is. Turn around._

_

* * *

_

_You were talking about me._

Yes. I always knew you were bright.

_Go drown yourself._

Well, if by 'go drown' you mean 'go to the party' and by 'yourself' you mean 'with me', then of course.

_Charming. _

You want me.

_This is the last note you will ever get from me. Savor it. _

_

* * *

_

**Let me guess: she said no.**

She told me to drown myself.

_So why aren't you?_

Waiting until class is over. Maybe then she'll appreciate me. **:( ←** Me sad

**What do you see in her? Yeah, she's easy on the eyes, but sometimes she's kind of, well, bitchy towards you. **

_Harsh, Pads. I'd call it headstrong._

I'd call it SEXY.

**Plus, she's smart. **

_Is that bad?_

**She's TOO smart. Suspiciously high marks. Especially in potions. I have a theory she's sleeping with Slughorn. **

WHAT?

**Why do you think he likes her so much? **

_Maybe because she does her homework and doesn't shoot bloomslang skin across the classroom and doesn't try and intentionally melt a certain greasy-haired student's cauldron "accidentally" every bloody class. _

**What do you mean— that would make anyone happy. **

_Not Snape. _

**That's WHY it would make anyone else happy. **

Snape is a git

**I actually think Evans is sleeping with Snape. And he gives her extra tutoring in exchange. **

EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW x ∞. Thanks, you've made me sound like a girl.

**Welcome. I daresay it's quite becoming. **

THAT IS GROSS

Could he even do it even? I mean, without that nose getting in the way?

**I reckon he could— it's the snogging that would give him trouble. **

_WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS?_

Moony, always the sensible one.

_I am swelling with pride right now. _

**Good thing we have you. We wouldn't want our conversations to be non-sensible. Now you can go ask MacDonald to the party. **

_Sigh. Fine._

**Now we've got that settled, or somewhat settled, we have to find out how to get 300 bottles of butterbeer, Ogden's, whiskey, rum, etc into the party. THIS IS OUR HIGHEST PRIORITY. **

And why is that?

**We'll be able to get all the Gryffindor gals plastered, my friends. And just think: wasted Evans -equals- TOPLESS Evans **

_You're logic simply flawless, mate. It must've taken you years to work out that formula._

**WORSHIP ME. **

Well, since it doesn't sound like we're disrespecting them or anything, sure, I'm in.

He IS dissrespecting them

Thank you for that clarification, Wormtail.

Oh you were being sarcastic, sorry

**We're doing no such thing. We are giving them free booze. We're humanitarians. **

Don't get Evans drunk. She'll be humiliated. And I don't want to see my honey is pain.

**Damn, Prongs, you DO have morals. You and Moony should go run off together and DIE VIGRINS. **

_SIRIUS BLACK -equals- ARSEHOLE. How's that for a formula? _

Agreed, Moony.

Shes not your honey SHE DOESNT LIKE YOU

**You know, I can't understand why she won't go out with the best looking guy in the school. **

In the universe, you mean.

**With the exception of me. **

We're tied.

**Keep dreaming, love. **

Fine. You win.

**Thank you. **

But I'm the best looking straight guy.

HAHAHAHA nice one Prongs

**Are you serious, Prongs? You're insulting my sexuality? Talk about lowbrow. **

You're one to talk.

I'm hungrey 

_Class is almost over, mates. Going to do it. Don't wait up for me._

Good luck Moony!

**Need any good pick-up lines? **

_No, thank you. I still haven't recovered from the last time I used one of your pick-up lines._

**What are you talking about, we washed all of the pudding out of your hair. **

McKinnon even apologized.

_I'm good. Really. _

The class ends, and the Marauders close their notebooks.

* * *

"This is a disaster. A complete and utter disaster," said Sirius miserably. "How could she reject you, Moony? You're so bloody dashing!"

The Marauders lounge in their dormitory. Sirius and Peter are sprawled on their beds. James reclines into an armchair, and Remus leans back against the wall. He strokes his forehead.

"She didn't reject me, she already had a date," replied Remus. "There's a difference. Prongs here can tell you about it."

"Evans didn't reject me," said James.

"She told you to drown yourself," Sirius said irritably.

"But I've been thinking on it. There are so many ways to be killed, why would she say drowning? I'll tell you why. It's because she was thinking about my swimmer's body. And how it would look in a bathing suit," James said earnestly. He sighed. "She wants me so bad, it's ridiculous."

"Hey, Prongs, maybe if you say that six thousand _more_ times, it'll actually be true!" said Sirius sardonically. He turned over on this bed, and buried his face in his pillow.

"What's with him?" asked Remus, raising and eyebrow.

"You missed it," said James, sighing again. "Apparently, Sirius' _dates_, as in plural, weren't aware that they weren't his sole companion. They found out. And they weren't pleased."

"They dumped him," Peter chimed in unnecessarily.

"Christ. That _prat_," said Remus, rubbing his face with his hands. "Why are all the pretty ones so stupid?"

"I thought I was doing them a favor," Sirius moaned into his pillow. "Why are all chicks so bloody _selfish_?"

"So," said Remus. "I don't have a date. Sirius doesn't have a date. Peter doesn't have a date. God knows James will never—"

"We're not talking about girls anymore," said Sirius. "This is ending now."

"God help his poor, tormented soul," said Remus. "What shall we talk about then?"

"Anything," he mumbled. "Motorbikes. Snape. Herbology. The inside of my nose. Whatever tickles your fancy."

"Cheer up, old fellow," said James. "Just think, Christmas is in five days. And being as _popular_ as you are, you'll get loads of gifts."

"Loads," agreed Peter.

Sirius flipped back over on the bed. "And you had better get me something good this year. We're no longer children. We've earned wages."

"No need to be so subtle, Padfoot," said Remus.

"And when I say good, I mean not like the bloody coasters I got last year. Let me clue you in. I want something shiny and wearable and it's a dragonskin jacket. Subtle enough for you, Moony?"

"What was wrong with the coasters? You do drink a lot, you know."

"No practical gifts. Period," said Sirius, turning over once more.

Remus shot a glance at James. He gestured for him to step outside the dormitory.

"Something the matter, mate?" asked James in a concerned voice.

"James," Remus hesitated. "Have you gotten your gifts yet?"

"One," replied James. "But not for any of you lot yet."

"D'you think Sirius was really serious about wanting a dragonskin?"

"Why?"

"It's just that I can't, well, afford those types of gifts! He knows that, why does he expect—"

"He doesn't," James said reassuringly. "And look, he loves those coasters. I think I saw him actually use one the other day."

Remus leaned against the wall and sighed. "I don't know…"

James patted Remus' shoulder. "And to be perfectly honest, I'm going to be a little short on the Galleons this year also."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Come on."

"No, really. I… got Evans a little something."

His eyes widened. "James, are you _daft_? How much is a 'little something'?"

James muttered the price in his ear. Remus' eyes widened even further. "You can't _buy_ her, mate," he said, his face still in disbelief.

"Do you know how hard I worked to save up for this? And you know, we've only got one more year here. I don't know if… I'll have many other opportunities to get her something."

"You are INSANE."

"I know. And that's why I'm giving you all my Chocolate Frog cards that I have duplicates of for Christmas."

"Can I have your extra Rowena Ravenclaw?" asked Moony, brightening.

"Hell no. Sirius will be getting the eye candy, it's the only way to keep him happy," reminded James.

"You know, I've been thinking… maybe we could do sort of… homemade gifts. Or something," Remus suggested.

"You certainly have the upper hand in that case," replied James. "You're a bit more… shall we say, domestic?"

Remus gave him a pleading look.

"I'll talk to Sirius," said James. "No really, it's a good idea."

"I love you," said Remus, embracing him tightly.

"You know, you're the only one I'd let hug me like this," said James, patting him on the back.

"I'm the only one who _would_ hug you like this," replied Remus. "And thanks."

"Not at all," said James. He withdrew from Remus and they started back to the room.

"So what'd you get Evans, anyway?" Remus inquired.

"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," said James. "I don't want the word getting out. I want her to be completely surprised."

"Oh come on, I wouldn't tell anyone," insisted Remus. "Is it a unicorn?"

"Damn, that would've been perfect," James said thoughtfully. "Next year. If she doesn't kill me first."

**There you have it, Chapter One. Please review, it helps me write, haha. **


	2. Detention and Degrading Women

Hey, look at me, finally updating this story after a million years. I've sort of abandoned the notes thing though, save for the first bit of this chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

You could get him a nice cheese.

Remus read the messy scrawl that appeared on one of the spare pieces of parchment that wasn't covered with lines. He was in detention with Peter, an unfortunate consequence of a prank gone awry. James and Sirius, being the crafty gits they were, had managed to escape the scene before Filch came down upon them. Remus and Peter, however, were not so quick.

_Wormtail, you've asked for a nice cheese from me every Christmas since I've known you. You can't possibly be suggesting I give one to Sirius_, Remus wrote back.

Well WHY NOT A cheese is a timeless, classic gift. And quite delicious.

_ I don't know. Could you give me a suggestion that is NOT food related?_

How about a nice scented candle. Or is that still food related?

_ It most certainly isn't. But what would Sirius do with a scented candle?_

I dunno, smell it I suppose! Or seduce girls. He does enjoy seducing girls.

_He doesn't need candles to do that_. Remus smirked as he wrote.

"Something funny, Mr. Lupin?" McGonagall asked sharply.

"No Professor," Remus said quickly, returning to his lines. But more words appeared on the parchment beside him.

HAHA you got in trouble.

_We're already __in__ trouble, in case you haven't noticed. Anymore brilliant ideas?_

How about some cologne- you could even make your own, if you got Evans to help you. It's free and it would give you a reason to talk to Evans, who is so pretty.

_ That is actually a really good idea! And it would cover up the wet dog smell. _

Yeah. I know James has got him some cologne, some imported stuff from France, that's where I got the idea.

_ Oh for Merlin's sake! I can't get him the same thing as James!_

Well he needs a lot of it, doesn't he! For seducing girls and covering up odd smells and all that.

_You're useless sometimes, mate_, Remus wrote with frustration.

I must behave myself and not enchant the Hogwarts mistletoe to follow me around wherever I go.

_ Wrong paper, mate._

Sorry, McGonagall was looking. Hide your parchment, she's coming your way.

Remus did so, and McGonagall observed the lines he had written with approval. "All right boys," she told them. "You may go."

* * *

"4."

"5."

"Hm," Sirius thought for a moment. "3, I'd say."

"4," replied James.

Sirius gestured at brunette girl passing by them. "6."

"Oh come on, Padfoot," said James. "McKinnon's an 8 at least."

"Maybe 7 on a good day," said Sirius as they watched her walk down the hallway. They were standing against the stone wall, observing various girls walk by them, scouting potential dates for the Christmas dance. "But it doesn't matter, as she's already dumped me."

"True. But honestly, if you've only given McKinnon a 6, and she's one of the prettiest girls in our year, who is going to be good enough for your standards?"

Sirius shrugged as a chubby Hufflepuff girl waddled down the hallway. "1," he said, nodding.

"Agreed," James said nodding. "Especially for the spots."

James and Sirius waited for the next girl to walk down the hallway and face their scrutiny.

"Ugh. A 0." Sirius said with disdain as the next girl turned the corner.

"10!" James cried at the same time. He spoke a bit too loudly, and the redhead who had just begun to walk down the hallway caught sight of them. To James delight, she started to approach them.

"Hello, boys," Lily greeted. "I see you're taking part in your favorite pastime, 'degrading women'."

"We're not _de_grading you," James corrected. "We're _actually grading_ you. On a scale of 1 to 10."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, that's definitely not degrading. Tell me, are those scores are based on anything more than the girl's cup size?"

"Personality is taken into account, Evans," Sirius assured her. "That's why I gave you a 0."

"A 0!" Lily said furiously.

"Well I gave you a 10," James said quickly. "So it averages out to 5, which, compared to what we gave the others, is pretty solid."

"Oh shut up," Lily snapped. "Believe it or not, I actually did come over here to talk to you for a reason." She turned to James. "I heard you got me a Christmas present this year. A real one."

"You—you did? From who?"

"Remus," Lily answered. "And James, I don't want it. We've never exchanged gifts before, and I simply don't have the time to get you a gift, as I'm dealing with my regular Christmas shopping and the Secret Santa—"

"You don't have to get me anything! I never even expected you to—"

"I'm sure you didn't expect me to get you a gift, but I'm _sure_ you're expecting something in return. I am not stupid, James Potter, and I refuse to allow you to use whatever you got me as leverage for a date or something along those lines."

"But I—"

"Oh, you've got him all figured out, don't you, Evans?" interrupted Sirius. "Of course he wouldn't just be getting you something because he actually likes you, no, there has to be some _motive_ behind it—"

"Quiet, Black," said Lily. "I'm still angry with you. I mean, at least when the girls and I ranked all the boys, I gave you a generous 3."

"Hang on, you girls do that too? And weren't you just insulting us for being degrading?"

"What did you give me?" James asked anxiously.

Lily just smirked at him. James waited, anticipating an answer, but she never gave him one. "Well, I need to go," she informed them. "I have a lot to do organizing this Secret Santa and all—"

"Hm?" Sirius asked. "What's that?"

"It's a thing the girls and I are doing with all the Gryffindor 6th and 7th years. Basically everyone chooses a name at random and has to give them a gift, in our case, on the day of the dance. Everyone's participating except you two… shall I count you in?"

"Hell no," Sirius said.

"We'll do it!" James said quickly.

Sirius groaned, and Lily smiled knowingly. "The names are chosen at _random_, Potter. I'll let you do the math and figure out the chances of drawing my name." She winked, and left them.

"She actually has a very nice backside, I suppose," said Sirius, eyeing her as she left. "I guess I could bump her to a 1."

James wasn't listening. "I need to get her name. And you will help me, mate."

"Ah, fine," said Sirius. "If you help me find me find a girl to take to the dance. I mean, I haven't had a good shag in ages, mate."

"At least you've had one," James mumbled.

"Well, I hope you aren't thinking your gift to Evans is going to get you laid. Not unless it is accompanied with a dozen firewhiskeys—"

"Hey now, what was all that you said to her about there not being a motive behind my gift?"

Sirius looked at him and smiled. "My dear Prongs, we both know that isn't true."

"I'm just hoping it'll make her happy. And if I get a date or two out of it, I don't think I'll complain—"

"Well good luck with that. I don't think Evans is the type to be impressed by money, or else she would've been dating you already, wouldn't she?"

"Well what the hell does impress girls?"

"Huge cocks," Sirius said very seriously.

"D'you think I should tell Evans I have a huge cock then?"

"Absolutely."

"All right," said James.

"Or you could just shag one of her friends, and let her relay the message. Assuming you do, in fact, have a huge cock. I haven't measured it recently, you know."

"I suppose that's what you would do, isn't it?" asked James.

"I don't recommend Sirius' advice for picking up girls, Prongs," said Remus, who had just come down the stairs with Peter from detention. "Not unless you want a hair full of pudding."

"Oh, how many times are you going to throw that one in my face?" asked Sirius exasperatedly. "I'm sorry, Moony—"

"Nevermind. I'm hungry; shall we go down to dinner?"

"But, Moony, we're busy ranking girls," Sirius said, looking down the hallway. "And look, the most beautiful specimen in all of Hogwarts has just turned the corner, a perfect 10, by anyone's standards…"

The other Marauders turned to see who Sirius was referring to. It was Severus Snape.

"Oi, Snivellus!" called Sirius. "And you many dates have you got for the Christmas dance? I'll bet the girls are swooning in your path, aren't they?"

Snape didn't saying anything, but he shot a spell at Sirius kneecap, which made him buckle with pain.

"You're one to talk, aren't you, Black?" Snape said, twirling his wand between his fingers. "I hear that the girls who would swoon over the likes of you four are in relatively short supply this winter."

"That isn't true, Snivlley, the reason we happen to all be single this time of year is simply because we have standards. Which is something you can't afford, unfortunately—it's a shame there are no blind girls at Hogwarts that could go out with you," said James.

"Perhaps he could ask for one for Christmas," Sirius quipped. "Although she would have to be blind, deaf, and possibly brain dead to even consider going out with you."

Snape sneered. "Enjoy the swollen kneecap, Black. Consider it my Christmas gift to you." And he left.

Remus was smiling, but he spoke sternly to James and Sirius. "Was that really necessary, you two? Did that make you feel better about the fact that neither of you have dates? Did it?"

"It certainly did," James and Sirius replied together.

* * *

Please review! I need to know if I should continue, or if anyone's even reading this...


	3. Secret Santa

"Will you stop worrying?" Sirius said to Remus as they walked up the stairs. "Careful," he added, as Remus nearly stepped on a missing stair. "The stairs are always acting up this time of year, must think it's funny, since no one's got their head on straight…"

"Well how could anyone? This gift giving thing is stressing me out, and you're not easy to shop for, you know, I honestly have no idea what to get you—"

"Is this because I insulted the coasters you gave me? Because really, that was one of the best gifts I received last year. Do you remember what Peter gave me? A package of Bertie Bott's, and half of them were missing. The useless tosser had eaten all the good ones too, the ones he'd left me were all rubbish flavors like 'ink' and 'vinegar' and 'wood'. _Wood_ flavored, Moony. It's got to be the queerest flavor ever. And then my dear old Mum of course, she sent me a broken Sneakoscope, I think she was hoping I wouldn't notice and that it would help some Death Eater sneak up on me and kill me."

"So no broken Sneakoscopes, then. I guess I can eliminate that from my list of possible gift ideas."

"Along with half eaten food, books, school supplies, or anything homemade."

"Er—"

"_Don't_ try to knit me a sweater, Moony. I won't wear it."

"I've been getting rather good at scarves though," Remus hinted hopefully.

Sirius gave him a look. "You could give a scarf to whoever you get for this Secret Santa thing though. I hope this thing doesn't take too long."

Sirius and Remus entered the common room where those Gryffindors who were participating in the Secret Santa were gathered. They took a spot next to James and Peter, and looked toward Lily and Alice, who were seemingly in charge.

"I talked to Frank," James said. "He said he'd trade me if he got Lily. A few of the 7th years said they would too. But Lily's friends wouldn't even listen to me. She must've warned them."

"Quiet, please," Lily said over the noise in the common room. "Thank you all for agreeing to participate in our little Secret Santa. This Muggle tradition is to help us all get into the Christmas spirit, and I'm sure it will be a lot of fun for everyone. That is, if certain people don't act like immature arseholes and ruin it for everyone." Lily gave James and Sirius a pointed look.

"Okay, when have we ever acted like immature arseholes?" James asked.

"Yes, that really doesn't sound like us," added Sirius.

Lily put her hands on her hips. "How about last year, when you sent me those red panties with card that said 'Love, Severus Snape'?"

James and Sirius burst out laughing, along with several other students. "Er, Lily," said Alice, over the laughter. "Perhaps we should continue?

"Very well," she said. She pulled her witch's hat off her head, and began levitating it in front of her. "Everyone will place their names in here, and then choose one at random. And we've placed spells on it so that you will not draw your own name, and if you try to cheat and look inside, you will start to grow hair in places that you don't want to." She gave another pointed look at James.

"Oh, she's so clever," Sirius said to James, rolling his eyes.

"Indeed," said Remus, missing Sirius' sarcasm. The Marauders scribbled their names on scraps of paper, and placed it in the hat as Lily levitated it around the room.

The hat landed in Alice's hands. "Now, don't tell anyone who you've got," she said. "We'll send the hat around again so you can pick." Alice drew a name from the hat. Her expression was unreadable as she looked it, and she passed it to Lily.

Lily drew a name from the hat, and smiled. James' shoulders slumped as she did so.

"Tough luck, Potter," said Sirius, nudging him. "No way Evans would be smiling if she had drawn your name."

"Got that, thanks," James said dryly as the hat was passed to Peter. Peter drew a name, and quickly held it up for the Marauders to see. He had gotten a 7th year named Ruby. He looked apologetically at James, as they were all hoping to get Lily, for his sake.

The hat was passed to Remus. He drew a name, and looked pale as he read it. He bit his lip and crumpled the paper in his hand. "Well?" asked James. "Who is it?"

"It's not Lily," Remus said.

"Hey!" Lily called from the front of the room. "It's called 'Secret' Santa, you know!" There was an edge to her voice.

Sirius ignored her as he drew a name from the hat. "Marlene," he whispered to James. "Fucking figures."

James' heart started beating faster as he reached in the hat. He prayed that it would be Lily, but the name on the scrap of paper he pulled was much longer. 'Mary MacDonald was written in messy cursive. There was no hiding his disappointment and Lily must've noticed, as she seemed to be smiling with relief.

"It's okay, don't worry," Sirius said patting him on the back. "Promise me you won't cry."

James poked Sirius in the rib and watched as the hat was passed to a few others. There were some smiles and some frowns, but who they had chosen was undetectable. Frank Longbottom drew a name and was quite happy with the result, but he shook his head at the Marauders indicating he had not picked Lily.

Emmeline Vance drew a name and read it with a stony expression, and Benjy Fenwick's face filled with glee as he read his. Charlotte Dane read hers with a confused expression, as if she did not know who the person was, and Dorcas Meadows read hers with a content smile.

And then James saw something interesting. Milford Birtwistle, a spotty 7th year, drew a name, and for an ever so fleeting moment, shot a glance over in Lily's direction. "It's him," James said anxiously to Sirius. "He's picked Lily."

* * *

James and Sirius cornered Milford in an empty corridor. "Hello," Sirius said, in a voice much friendly he would've normally used to talk to someone like Milford. "How are you this fine evening?"

"Fine," he replied in nasally voice. "What do you two want?"

"Oh, just wondering who you chose for the Secret Santa," said James casually.

"I—" Milford paused, realizing that James and Sirius weren't 'wondering' at all. "Now stop right there. I'm not trading."

"Oh—come on now," said James.

"Lily Evans is finally going to notice to me. Do you know how long I've been waiting for this? For her to talk to me?" he asked.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "The thrill wears off quickly, trust me," he said. "But let us break it down for you. Either you trade with James, or we'll hex you so badly you'll be in the hospital for a week."

"Well it doesn't _have_ to come to that," James said quickly, seeing the color drain from Milford's face. "I mean, you may want to trade with one of us." He held out his paper. "Look, I have Mary. And she's _blonde_.".

"And I've got Marlene," said Sirius.

"But Marlene is kind of—mean. Well, not mean, but Lily is so sweet, and nice, and pretty, and smart—"

"Marlene has bigger tits," said Sirius, shaking the paper at him.

"But I've already gotten Lily a gift," replied Milford. "I got her favorite— Sugar Quills. She's always eating them in the common room, sucking on them… nibbling on the tip…"

"Yes, we're all aware of the revolting way Evans eats Sugar Quills," said Sirius.

"And I've already gotten her a gift too," said James. "And it's rather extravagant, and if for some reason I'm not able to give it to her, I might have to take it out on some poor unsuspecting victim."

"Fine. Fine, I'll trade with you. But not because I'm afraid. And I have one condition."

"Which is?" asked James.

"I want you guys to say hi to me in front of other people. So they'll think I'm cool."

"Yeah, I'm not going to do that," said Sirius.

"Yes, we will," James corrected. "You've got a deal. Now give me the paper." James snatched the paper out of his hand and kissed it. "Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Now give me Mary's," said Milford.

"I thought you were going to take Marlene's?" Sirius asked disappointedly.

"No way, Mary's not that pretty so I have a way better chance with her," he replied.

"Bugger," said Sirius, as James did a twirl.

"This is the best day ever!" James exclaimed. "Come on, Sirius."

"If it will get you to stop twirling," Sirius asked in a pained voice.

They headed down the hallway. "Milford," James called over his shoulder. "Don't ever let me catch you looking at Evans when she's eating Sugar Quills, or else."

* * *

"Where's Sirius?" Remus asked James and Peter has he entered the dormitory.

"He's off trying to woo some 7th year Ravenclaw," replied James. "Should be easy, really, from what I've heard of her. Bit of a slag."

"Well good, there's been something I need to talk to you about."

"It's about the Secret Santa, isn't it?" asked James.

"How did you know?"

"Well, you've been acting rather strange ever since we all drew the names," Peter noted.

"More strange than that time when I placed an extra strength Cheering Charm on you by accident."

"Yes, and you were skipping around the hallways, blowing kissing to everyone, don't you remember?"

"That's not so strange, Sirius does that all the time," Remus replied. "But honestly, let's not reminisce about all the spells that have backfired on us, we'll be up all night. And I need to talk to you about this Secret Santa."

"Very well, who did you get?" asked James.

"I—I got… Sirius," said Remus. "I need to get Sirius two gifts. _Two_."

James and Peter exchanged uncomfortable looks.

"I mean, what did I ever do to deserve this? I'm not a bad person, but whatever I did, I think getting mauled by a werewolf would've been punishment enough, but that's nothing compared to the pressure of getting Sirius Black two Christmas gifts. Nothing."

"Trade," James said quickly. "I'm sure loads of girls would love to have Sirius."

"They would love to have him, all right, but no one would want to get a gift for him."

"For Merlin's sake, Remus" said James, his voice getting louder. "This is ridiculous. You're so stressed out about this whole gift giving thing, and what it is going to take for us to tell you that it doesn't matter? This isn't _healthy_, mate."

"I know, James," Remus said quietly. "It's just— you both have done things for me that no other friends would. And every year, you're always able to give me these extravagant gifts that I don't deserve, and I have no way to repay you."

"Well how about this," said James. "Every gift we all exchange this year has to be free. 100% free."

Sirius burst into the dormitory, not bothering to knock, of course, with smudged pink lipstick all over his mouth and chin. "Hello," he greeted him, a bit smugly.

"Hello," said James. "I take it your wooing was a success?"

"Indeed," Sirius replied. "And I suggest you lot avoid the broom closet on the third corridor, we made a bit of a mess in there, if you know what I mean."

"Oh thanks for the heads up," said Remus. "I was just headed over there with my flock of devoted admirers."

"I said nothing about a flock," said Sirius. "Even I can't pull something like that together, apparently. Just ask Marlene and Emme." He stretched out on his bed.

"Oh, and listen, mate," said James. "We're doing only free gifts this year. Don't bother arguing—" he added as Sirius opened his mouth. "It's decided."

"Well, I hope you don't mind getting my old socks then," said Sirius.

"As long as they're not the ones you use for wanking," said James. Sirius threw a pillow at him.

…

Hope this made sense, I'm trying to finish it before Christmas and didn't have time to proofread. And please review, if you have time! :)


	4. I Love You This Many Dollars Worth

James walked into Charms. Lily Evans was already seated at a table, and James darted across the room to try and take the empty seat next to her. He knew, or hoped, that Sirius would understand.

But just as he got there, some loser Ravenclaw tried to slide in the seat next to her. "Excuse me," James said to him. He gave him the dirtiest look he could muster and dropped his book bag at his feet with a heavy thud. The boy gulped, and quickly left to find another seat. James sunk into the chair next to Lily.

"Gee, Potter, that was very impressive," Lily noted as he sat. "I am so taken with your intimating manner toward other students. How about we ditch class and get cozy in a broom closet instead?"

"Uh. What?"

"I'm mocking you, Potter."

"Right, sorry, I knew that," James said. "My brain kind of went dead after you said 'cozy in a broom closet.'

"Quiet, please," Professor Flitwick instructed. "Now today's lecture will pertain to Drought charms. Listen up."

As he began to talk, James pulled out a piece of paper, and scribbled a note to Lily. So what are the chances of you making good on that broom closet offer?

_I think we both know the answer to that_, she wrote back on the same piece of paper.

Well, if you're looking for possible Christmas gifts for me, that would certainly be an option.

_And why would I need a Christmas gift for you?_

Oh, I don't know. Word's out that one of us has the other for Secret Santa.

Lily stared at the paper for a moment before writing her reply. _Well, I didn't pick you_.

No? Well then. I wonder what that means.

Lily looked at James, eyes wide in horror. He just grinned. "How?" she whispered.

James returned to the parchment. Let's just say I'm a persuasive bloke.

Lily threw down her quill and sat back in her chair. She folded her arms and glared into space.

"Oh come on, Evans," James whispered. "It's a gift, not an arranged marriage.

Lily's grip on her quill was so tight her hand was turning red. _If it's something edible, Potter, don't bother. I don't trust you to not spike it with a love potion_.

Oh, now there would be no need for me to do that. We both know how you feel about me, it's just a matter of getting you to admit it.

James grinned at her, hoping his joke would lighten her mood, but it didn't. She crumpled up the parchment, indicating that she wanted no further discussion. She didn't say a word to him for the rest of the class.

Once it ended, they both got up to leave, and James caught Milford's eye. He gave him a congenial wave, remembering his promise, and Lily actually gave him a smile when he did. "Since when are you friends with him?" she asked, sounding surprised.

"Oh. Uh, I discovered recently that he's not such a bad guy," James said.

"Oh," said Lily. Her smile faded a bit. James bit his tongue; he shouldn't have said anything. She would figure it out, she was a smart girl. But it was certainly too late for her to do anything about it.

* * *

Remus knew he needed to find someone to trade with, and fast. Christmas Eve was approaching fast, and he was sure most everyone had gotten their gifts already. He knew Peter did, if the smell coming from under his bed was any indication. He was pretty sure James did as well, although he wasn't sure about Sirius.

"Hey, Alice," Remus said to the dirty-blonde haired girl who was reading a Charms book. "I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment."

"You're already talking to me," Alice pointed out with a smile.

"Ah, I- so I am," Remus said unsure of what else to say. He wasn't quite in the mood for any of Alice's quirkiness right now.

"Have you come to discuss the Secret Santa?" she said.

"Er, yes, actually," Remus said, a bit relieved he knew he could cut right to the chase. "You see, I was wondering… if possibly, I could trade names with you.

"Oh er, well, that isn't really allowed, Remus," Alice said uncomfortably.

"Oh—well I know others have been doing it, and I—I have Sirius, you see, and I'm already supposed to get him something, so I can't be expected to get him _two_ things—"

"I—I can't trade with you," she said. "I'm sorry.

"Please, Alice?" he begged. "It would help me out so much—"

"No, stop," Alice said. "I _can't_ trade with you. I can't."

"Please, please I'll do any—" Remus' eyes widened. "Oh," he whispered in realization.

Lily emerged from in between the stacks to join Alice at the table. "Nice going, Remus," she said, having heard the end of their conversation. "You've spoiled the surprise."

"Well, what were the chances the first person I asked had chosen me? Or even the chances of drawing one of my friends to begin with? I have the most rotten luck—"

"No, you don't," Lily said firmly. "This isn't bad luck. There are so many people who are having a _much_ worse Christmas than you are, you know, and I don't think you have any right to complain."

Remus looked at her in surprise. Lily rarely spoke this way to him, although she didn't seem angry with him, just stern. "Well excuse me, if you're going to make me put this in perspective, then no, it isn't all that bad. But I still don't know what I am going to do."

"It doesn't matter," Lily continued. "James and Sirius' may be arseholes, but they certainly aren't going get angry with you for not getting them an extravagant gift. What makes a gift great is the meaning behind it, the thought behind it, not the price tag. Which is why I'm sure I'm going to hate Potter's gift, he's probably spent loads of his parent's gold on getting me something, in hopes that it will get me out of my knickers. And you can tell him that it won't work, Remus, it won't."

Remus blinked. Lily's words brought him a bit of relief—after all, he hadn't given James and Sirius anything special last year, and they still loved him. But his stomach turned at the thought of James getting terribly embarrassed on Christmas Eve when he gave his gift to Lily.

"It's funny," said Remus. "I actually told James he wouldn't be able to buy you when he first told me what he got. But don't judge him so quickly yet, Lily. I know for a fact James worked all summer to save up for your gift—he specifically didn't want to use his parents' money."

"Gee," Alice said to Lily. "How long do you think Potter's been planning this present?"

"Too long," said Lily. She turned to Remus. "You know, I really hope you're mistaken, because James is mad if he thinks I'm going to accept something overly expensive."

"I'll relay the message," Remus told her. "And I don't suppose you would want to trade with me either, do you?"

"I can't," Lily said sympathetically. "I've already got my present."

"Oh," he said. "You don't have James, do you?"

"Oh God no," Lily said, touching her hand to her chest.

"She has Chadwick," Alice said slyly, referring to the good-looking 7th year who played Keeper on the Quidditch team. "And she was quite happy about that if I recall."

Remus saw Lily's cheeks redden. "Do—do you fancy him, or something?"

"No, no of course not," Lily said quickly, but her cheeks were still flushed, and Alice was still grinning.

"Well I should go," he told them.

"Remus," Alice said. "I heard Marlene got Sirius a little something, I think she wants to reconcile their 'relationship', or whatever they're labeling it. I'll tell her to pretend she picked his name, all right?"

"Really? Thank you!" Remus said.

"No problem," she said with a smile.

He left the girls, feeling much more relaxed. That was one gift taken care of. He felt awful for James though, he was almost certain James was going to get his heart broken. And Chadwick would have his leg broken, if it turned out that Lily did really feel something for him. Remus sighed. It didn't seem like that long ago when James told him how hard he worked to save up for Lily's gift, and that they would all be getting his extra Chocolate Frog cards as a consequence. He vaguely wondered if Sirius needed an extra Dumbledore card. And then he suddenly had an idea. He knew just what to get him for Christmas.

* * *

Sorry, I hope this chapter wasn't too boring. Hopefully the next one will be better.


	5. Before the Dance

It was Christmas Eve. The Gryffindor 6th and 7th years were scheduled to meet in the common room to exchange their Secret Santa gifts, and then head down to the Great Hall for the dance. The Marauders were currently in their dormitory, gathering up their gifts, even Remus.

"Hey," Sirius asked him. "Who's that for? You never told me who you had."

"It's for Alice," Remus told him.

"But Frank has Alice."

"I know," he replied. "I just got this for her to thank her for something she helped me out with."

"It's better not upstage Frank's gift, or he's going to kill you, mate," James said.

"I'm sure Frank will feel very threatened when I present her with a Honeydukes gift card," Remus replied.

"Oh, I got Marlene a gift card too," said Sirius.

"For Honeydukes?" asked Remus.

"No, for that tawdry lingerie shop near Zonko's," Sirius replied. "Do you think I should tell her that I need to approve all her purchases?"

"I'd go for it," said James. "No girl is going to respond to innuendos with a kick to the balls this time of year. They're all full of Christmas spirit."

"And spiked pumpkin juice," Sirius replied.

"I got Ruby a frog," said Peter.

James and Sirius exchanged glances. "What?" Sirius asked, sniggering.

"Don't laugh! Remember when her old frog got loose and Slughorn sat on it during dinner last year? So I got her a new one.

James made a face. "Well, er, that's very… romantic, mate."

"Like you would know anything about being romantic," Sirius laughed.

"You're one to talk," Remus noted. "You're about as romantic as a toadstool."

"Yeah?" said Sirius. "Well you're about as romantic as _Snape_."

They all started to laugh, as jokes at Snape's expense usually made them do. "We're hopeless," said James. "It'll be a bloody miracle if any of us are married by the time we're 30."

* * *

The Marauders left the dormitory and headed down to the common room. Almost everyone was there already, milling around to locate recipients of their gifts. Peter made his way over to Ruby, and Sirius found himself with a few different girls presenting him with superfluous amount of gifts. It seemed more than one girl had volunteered to make up for Remus, who was smiling with relief.

James received a gift from Benjy, who had drawn his name, and then left him to look for Lily. He found her sitting on a couch next to Chadwick Barnes, a fellow Quidditch player. He stood aside and watched as Lily placed a gift in his hands. He ripped it open, revealing a pair of Quidditch gloves. From what James could tell, they seemed decent; not nearly as nice as the high end Italian ones he wore, but the gloves were certainly an improvement on the Gryffindor Keeper's old ones. But then, to James' outrage, he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. He began to walk over, ready to force himself between them and give Lily his gift to her, but Chad pulled something from behind him. That stupid tosser had the nerve to get Lily a gift even though he obviously hadn't picked her name. James watched with frustration as Lily opened his gift. It was a package of Sugar Quills. James stormed away from them, not really paying attention to where he was going. As a result, he nearly clobbered Remus.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed. "What's wrong? "

"Nothing," James said, fuming. "Just that stupid Chad-prick. He's fucking obsessed with Evans, it's pathetic."

"You wouldn't know anything about being obsessed with Evans, would you?"

James glared at him. "I'm not in the mood."

"Don't worry," Remus insisted. "Just give it to her later. Pull her aside at the dance— and who knows it, may even lead to an actual dance or something."

"Yeah," James said nodding. "Yeah, that's a good idea. That is, if she can tear her lips away from Chadwick's long enough for me to give it to her."

"Oh come on," said Remus. "Look, she's not even with him anymore." James spun around to look at the couch where they had been sitting. Lily had left him.

"Oh good. Now maybe I won't have to kick him off the Quidditch team after all. Did you see where she went?" James asked urgently.

"No."

"Well fine," said James. "Let's just head down to the dance."


End file.
